In response to Acme's request
that the city purchase their property on State Road: Dear Mayor Robart, I recently conducted a "parity analysis" and concluded my neighbor's house is nicer than mine. In the spirit of fairness I would like the city to buy my property for $300,000. Loan me $200,000 and I will build a new house over top of my existing house. No need to send over your planning and zoning commissioners to review my plans because when they aren't looking I am going to build whatever the heck I want regardless of their wishes. Also in the spirit of fairness, I will simply pocket the remaining $100,000. My "parity analysis" also concluded my neighbor is much brighter than I am, works harder than me, and therefore makes more money than I do. I suppose I could just follow in my father's footsteps and work harder and become smarter than my neighbor and ultimately reach my goal of having a nicer house. But whining, crying, and pouting are much easier.
Sincerely, Under Privileged Citizen. Cc: Mr. Albrecht - President Acme Fresh Markets
Ed A. Caruso, Cuyahoga Falls
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